Monday, July 4, 2011

Chapter 6: Uncoiled

AT THE CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS OF EXTENSIVE ENTERPRISES...


DEEP IN AN IMPENETRABLE BASEMENT BUNKER...



TOMAX: Good news, Commander.  McCullen...

XAMOT: ...has accepted our proposal.  The warheads...


TOMAX: ...are being placed as...

XAMOT: ...we speak.



COBRA COMMANDER: Excsssssssssellent.


COBRA COMMANDER: Ssssssssssssssoon the world will be mine!!

AT McMURDO STATION, ROSS ISLAND, ANTARCTICA...


STALKER: Yo, where'd all these penguins come from?  



DOC: I'm black.  I don't have to talk like that.

SUDDENLY...


KA-BOOM!


FIREFLY: Heh-heh-heh.  That ought to do it for those meddling Joes.

LATER, NEAR THE CRATER OF MT. EREBUS...


MT. EREBUS: RRRrrrrrrruuuuuuuumble.


POLAR NERD VIPER: Okay.  This warhead is in position.  Once it detonates, it should set off a chain reaction along the Pacific Rim.



STORM SHADOW: Cobra Commander will pay a price for playing with nature.  



FIREFLY: Jeez.  You fucking hippie.


POLAR NERD VIPER: Well, he may be right.  Once the nuclear detonation hits the magma beneath the earth's core, there's no telling what will happen.


STORM SHADOW:  I hope McCullen's calculations are correct.  Otherwise we could be writing our own epitaphs by detonating these devices.



POLAR NERD VIPER:  I've checked and rechecked...it should go precisely according to plan.  As a result of the systematic detonations, Cobra Commander should have his--

STORM SHADOW: Say nothing of it.  We don't know who may be listening....

BACK AT McMURDO....


BEACHHEAD: Holy crap!  I didn't expect that penguin to blow up like that!!  Good thing it didn't blow us up with it!


SNOW JOB: I been watchin' them sumbitches blow up like that for weeks.  I tell ya, somebody else is here on this island.  We better git lookin' for 'em.

LATER, ON THE SNOW CAT...



BEACHHEAD: Alright, Snow Job.  One exploding penguin is enough for me.  If you think there's someone else here, then let's have a look around.


SHIPWRECK: I have penguin guts in my beard.



BEACHHEAD: Something tells me that's not the only fluid you've got crusted in there.





DOC: Stalker and I will stick around here and see if we can figure out what happened to the McMurdo staff.


STALKER: Compton and Long Beach together, now you know you in trouble, Ain't nuttin' but a G thang baaaaby!  To loc'ed out niggas goin' craaaazy!

BACK AT MT. EREBUS...


FIREFLY: Get that thing set up and let's get the hell out of here.  If my nuts get any colder I'm gonna use 'em to cool off Cobra Commander's Scotch.


SNOW SERPENT #1: We're almost done.  You'll be roasting your chestnuts by an open fire before you know it, sir.


FIREFLY: Your mom's an open fire.


STORM SHADOW:  Good one, Firefly.


FIREFLY:  No, seriously.  Okay, let's blow this popsicle stand so I can go bang Snow Serpent #1's mom.

MEANWHILE...


SHIPWRECK: Someone on this island is talking about balls.

BEACHHEAD:  Use your ball sense and let's go find 'em!

THAT EVENING, BACK AT CASTLE McCULLEN...


JAMES McCULLEN XXIV: Soon, M'Laird...



JAMES McCULLEN XXIV: ...soon.  With the funding from Cobra, I'll finally be able to reclaim my birthright!


DESTRO: Mwah-hah-hah-hah!

TO BE CONTINUED

3 comments:

  1. My favorite part was when the black guys rap like Snoop & Dre.
    Good show!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I liked the exploding penguins. "Sumbitch" is a hilarious word.

    ReplyDelete